11 years ... I said “I do” to the wrong man.

A man who didn’t honor me or his vows. Definitely didn’t respect me. He used me. When i met my ex - I thought I knew what Love was.

I barely had any family. I am an only child. My dad passed when I was 21 and I just had my mom. I wanted to be loved, I wanted family.

I was selfless while he was selfish. I thought my relationship was healthy. To do things around the house he would charge me. No, for real doing dishes or shoveling had a fee. I was so blind. I thought that is what Love was. Everything was a transaction. Everything calculated.

Then my mom passed away. I lost me. Instead of helping pull me out of my depression he tucked me in, walked away and left me. He got angry - I wasn’t the person he knew.

Then I was betrayed in the worst kind of way. While he should have owned his wrong doings he twisted things, he was cold and mean. He fought ending it and wouldn’t end it. Not because he loved me because he wanted to control me and continue to hurt me. It was a long, ugly, expensive divorce. He told lies about me. While I spoke nothing to anyone.

I was ashamed. Felt like a failure. How was I so naive. How was I so unlovable. I was bound to be a single cat lady.

I was private about everything! Only close friends, had any idea. I never talked about most of it. I lost my way. Some noticed my relationship status of "married" had been deleted. Most didn’t. Everything appeared Facebook perfect when everything wasn’t.

I took time to find me.

Then this man took me to brunch. Talked to me. Respected me. And looked at me. Like, looked at me. Steve quickly made me realize the love that I had in the past wasn’t love. It was not healthy. I hadn’t realized how unhappy I was until I became happy. I deserved to be respected, cared for and taken care of. And loved. Simply. Without conditions.

I had felt alone for many years. When my mom passed. It was me against the world. It was a lot of pressure. That has shifted. My guard went down and am loved unconditionally. I have family. I am not alone.

Don’t ever settle. I will never look back and have regrets but I will now appreciate the relationship I have more knowing how right it is and make sure Steve feels just as loved as he shows me each day.

First picture below was one of our first dates. And second is a few weekends ago when we snuck away for a night away. He still gives me butterflies.

Life always works out. You deserve it all. Once I realized that I started living my best life.